LLMs as Social Companions

Can LLMs help humans form deeper connections?

Mark Zuckerberg just did an interview with Lex Friedman and one of the key discussions which came up between the two involved LLMs (Large Language Models like ChatGPT). A key idea which Mark mentioned involved companionship. The gist of the discussion involved research which shows that although humans today may be more inter-connected than they were years ago (through technological progress and the internet), the strength of our connections have really weakened, leading many to feel socially isolated. LLMs can be trained to be our ‘social companions’ or ‘buddies’ by getting us through the day or making suggestions to cheer us up – or so he suggested in the interview.

I’ve always loved the human propensity to treat the wound or put band-aids on things which really stem from much deeper rooted problems. I’m not critical of Mr. Zuckerberg and I’m not criticizing his comments, but suggesting that an LLM model could somehow serve to fill the void brought about by social isolation and a lack of connection is absolutely ridiculous.

So, here’s a relatively hot take: Instead of patching things temporarily, why not actually do something about actually addressing the root cause of the problem? Why not find the true cause of social isolation and a lack of deep connection to other human beings and find ways to mitigate it?

The Root Cause

Once upon a time, in the distant past, our journey of human interconnection began with Homo Habilis. This pre-homo-Sapien ancestor roamed the Earth around 2 million years ago. They lived in small bands, relying on close-knit friendships for survival.

Picture a small group of individuals, working together, communicating with each other through gestures, sounds, and simple language. Their social trust and connection with one another were the foundation of their existence, providing support, protection, and the sharing of knowledge.

As time passed and our ancestors evolved, we witnessed the rise of Homo erectus. With improved cognitive abilities and increasing tool-making skills, these early humans expanded their social circles. They formed larger communities, helping foster a sense of belonging and shared purpose. The fireside conversations and communal gatherings strengthened the bonds among these individuals, allowing for the exchange of stories, emotions, and experiences. Their friendships became even more deep and rooted in the intimacy of face-to-face interactions. Their lives depended on closeness and cooperation. It’s this closeness and cooperation that’s primarily responsible for the incredible progress which we have today.

Recent Shifts

As the human species continued to progress, a significant shift took place. The advent of agriculture, the rise of civilizations, and the industrial revolution transformed the way we lived. With the growth of settlements and cities, social connections became less about intimate circles and more about broader networks. Social connections today take on a much different form than the close-knit connections which we depended on in the past. Some keys to this change are summarized below:

• Globalization: With the expansion of trade, travel, and cultural exchange, our world became even more interconnected. In addition to this – humans no longer needed to have a broad number of skills to get by. Instead, comparative advantage became a central focus and humans had to be taught to specialize. They became more like cogs in a machine rather than vibrant members of closely-connected communities which historically thrived as being generalists who helped each other out in times of need.

• Technological Innovation: The invention of the printing press, telegraph, telephone, and eventually the internet revolutionized communication. These innovations bridged vast distances, enabling connecting with many others regardless of geographical boundaries. The rise of social media platforms and digital communication tools further reshaped how humans connect. Virtual spaces replaced physical gathering spots, offering a platform for people to share ideas, experiences, and opinions on a global scale without needing physical proximity nor ideological connections.

• Mobility and Transience: Modern lifestyles often involve frequent re-locations. This need for mobility leads to more temporary connections with less time and opportunity for deep friendships and bonds to form.

• Time Constraints: The demands of modern life and its fast-paced nature can limit the time available for humans to spend on making friends and forming more meaningful connections. People often juggle multiple responsibilities, leaving less room for extended interactions.

Finally, we sill missed out on a key factor in all of this, so let’s finally spell it out:

Competition!!

Yes, we humans live in an environment of extreme competition. Of course, you could say that humans historically have always competed with one another, but:

• Humans historically were also not put in schools in which hinged on a cut-throat grading scheme and scoring students based on their academic performance. After high school is finished, there’s tremendous pressure to compete with other students on acceptance into universities and colleges.

• Jobs: although people had jobs in the past (most people had to work as farmers or had to find some means of obtaining food), most of them cooperated together in order to to achieve what they wanted to achieve. They stuck to close knit communities focused within specific geographical regions. Today, whenever you need a job, you’re competing with a much wider audience for limited positions. In addition to this, instead of having a broad structure with more equality, most organizations today are organized based on a hierarchical tree which almost everyone tries to climb to meet a limited set of sought after positions. Although Harvard Business Review proved that the CEOs of a company have almost no impact on how well it will do – we still live under the cult of the CEO. CEOs today get paid much higher than your average Joe at a corporation, and most organizations are organized hierarchically, making others want to climb the corporate ladder for both money and the never-ending game of status.

• Hollywood: the popularity of the super-hero and the worship of the heroic figure. Yes, Hollywood pushes the story of ambition and so many people look up to individuals rather than groups. Einstein, Feynman, Spiderman, Batman and the cult of the single individual who breaks through barriers and accomplishes things which many thought would be unimaginable or impossible is prominent within the film industry.

Of course, I’m not complaining about competition nor individualism. Due to competition and capitalism, we live like kings and we’ve made incredible material and scientific progress over the last few centuries and decades! Take this great quote from Matt Ridley:

“The Sun King had dinner each night alone. He chose from forty dishes, served on gold and silver plate. It took a staggering 498 people to prepare each meal. He was rich because he consumed the work of other people, mainly in the form of their services. He was rich because other people did things for him. At that time, the average French family would have prepared and consumed its own meals as well as paid tax to support his servants in the palace. So it is not hard to conclude that Louis XIV was rich because others were poor.

But what about today? Consider that you are an average person, say a woman of 35, living in, for the sake of argument, Paris and earning the median wage, with a working husband and two children. You are far from poor, but in relative terms, you are immeasurably poorer than Louis was. Where he was the richest of the rich in the world’s richest city, you have no servants, no palace, no carriage, no kingdom. As you toil home from work on the crowded Metro, stopping at the shop on the way to buy a ready meal for four, you might be thinking that Louis XIV’s dining arrangements were way beyond your reach. And yet consider this. The cornucopia that greets you as you enter the supermarket dwarfs anything that Louis XIV ever experienced (and it is probably less likely to contain salmonella). You can buy a fresh, frozen, tinned, smoked or pre-prepared meal made with beef, chicken, pork, lamb, fish, prawns, scallops, eggs, potatoes, beans, carrots, cabbage, aubergine, kumquats, celeriac, okra, seven kinds of lettuce, cooked in olive, walnut, sunflower or peanut oil and flavored with cilantro, turmeric, basil or rosemary … You may have no chefs, but you can decide on a whim to choose between scores of nearby bistros, or Italian, Chinese, Japanese or Indian restaurants, in each of which a team of skilled chefs is waiting to serve your family at less than an hour’s notice. Think of this: never before this generation has the average person been able to afford to have somebody else prepare his meals.

You employ no tailor, but you can browse the internet and instantly order from an almost infinite range of excellent, affordable clothes of cotton, silk, linen, wool and nylon made up for you in factories all over Asia. You have no carriage, but you can buy a ticket which will summon the services of a skilled pilot of a budget airline to fly you to one of hundreds of destinations that Louis never dreamed of seeing. You have no woodcutters to bring you logs for the fire, but the operators of gas rigs in Russia are clamouring to bring you clean central heating. You have no wick-trimming footman, but your light switch gives you the instant and brilliant produce of hardworking people at a grid of distant nuclear power stations. You have no runner to send messages, but even now a repairman is climbing a mobile-phone mast somewhere in the world to make sure it is working properly just in case you need to call that cell. You have no private apothecary, but your local pharmacy supplies you with the handiwork of many thousands of chemists, engineers and logistics experts. You have no government ministers, but diligent reporters are even now standing ready to tell you about a film star’s divorce if you will only switch to their channel or log on to their blogs.

My point is that you have far, far more than 498 servants at your immediate beck and call. Of course, unlike the Sun King’s servants, these people work for many other people too, but from your perspective what is the difference? That is the magic that exchange and specialization have wrought for the human species.”

You would think that these incredible advances would bring happiness to human life, but it doesn’t. You see, humans don’t define happiness according to what their past ancestors had to do, nor according to how much better they live comparatively to people geographically far away from them. You most likely live a much better life than someone in North Korea today or an English king from the 1800s as an example, but you also for the most part don’t care about this bit of trivia. Human beings judge things on a relative basis - there are no absolutes!

What’s that? You make 200K a year? It doesn’t mean anything if your 2 neighbors have yachts and like to jet ski during weekends. I don’t mean to sound pessimistic here. I’m simply stating a fact: humans today are more socially isolated than they were in the past simply due to the fact that close connections have been sacrificed to make room for the cult of the individual: out-compete your neighbor and be a ‘winner’ so you can get yours and everyone else can marvel at your greatness.

I had a friend’s kid son talk to me recently and as ‘What kind of car do you drive?’ I didn’t have an answer for him, since I don’t drive one. I don’t think the kid liked cars. The reason he asked me is because his parents judged people based on this little metric, and so he was projecting the same behavior that they taught him. Expensive cars = better human.

In other words, human beings aren’t less socially connected due to having a lack of chances to connect with other people. Human beings are less connected due to

1. The cult of the individual and individual accomplishment.

2. The cult of competition.

Corporations and the corporate moto of ‘maximizing profitability’ have a lot to do with this change. Corporate cultures would be a lot more healthy if the maximized for human happiness and providing human value. In fact – there are entire corporations which don’t try to put profits before people. Look at Khan academy for example. Khan academy is a nonprofit organization who’s mission is to ‘mission is to provide a free, world-class education to anyone, anywhere’ and they’ve done an amazing job in doing so!

Of course, that type of organization doesn’t attract investors. Investors want returns. They want growth. They want more money for the money they’re giving away to someone – otherwise, why give your money away (unless you’re Mr. Gates or Mr. Zuckerberg in which case you have plenty of it!). But such is the game we play, and so it goes. Competition makes things better – and we live much better, but at a huge cost:

Humans venture into extreme competition and they become more socially isolated.

We no longer share the same values our ancestors used to share. We don’t gather together to talk amongst ourselves or laugh about what Joe did last Thursday, since 1) most people today don’t have the time to hang out due to playing the giant competitive game we’re all too busy playing and 2) our drive to accomplish makes us not interested in what he did either way.

Of course, I’m not complaining. If you think this is bad, you should take a look at South Korea and Japan. Things could always be worse than they are today.

The book “Shutting Out the Sun: How Japan Created Its Own Lost Generation" examines the social and cultural issues facing contemporary Japan and explores the concept of hikikomori, a phenomenon in which young adults withdraw from society and isolate themselves in their rooms for extended periods.

The author argues that various societal pressures, such as the demanding education system, intense competition for jobs, and the rigid social hierarchy have created a sense of hopelessness and alienation among Japanese youth. These pressures often lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression, causing some individuals to retreat from the outside world completely.

The book highlights the rigorous education system in Japan, which places a heavy emphasis on entrance exams and academic performance. The intense competition for limited spots in prestigious schools and universities creates a high-stakes environment where students often face immense pressure to succeed. The fear of failure and the overwhelming expectations placed on young individuals can lead to extreme stress and anxiety.

Furthermore, in the job market, competition is also fierce. Securing stable employment and climbing the corporate ladder is highly valued in Japanese society. The pressure to conform to societal expectations, meet the demands of work, and continually excel can be overwhelming for many individuals. This relentless competition for success and societal recognition can lead to burnout, mental health issues, and ultimately, social withdrawal.

Sound familiar? This phenomenon isn’t just present within Japanese society. The trend is starting to emerge in other hyper-competitive countries and cultures across the globe.

South Korea has also made incredible technological and industrial advances over the last few decades. Although the citizens can enjoy many of the material things that we enjoy, many Koreans are cracking due to the huge pressures that society places on them. The suicide rates there have been reaching epic proportions with some citizens also suffering from extreme over-work. In fact, in 2018, they made it mandatory to limit a working week to 52 hours.

Last but not least, another huge reason why so many people are lonely is due to the fact that we all fear judgment.

The Cult of Not Being Your True Self

I remember growing up as a kid and being allowed to voice my own thoughts. Being allowed to reveal who I truly was was one of the most uplifting things that I experienced when I was young. If I didn’t like something, I’d say it out loud. If someone didn’t like whey I voiced – I didn’t care. In fact, I loved every critical argument that I was involved in. The discussions that ensued made those relationships the things that I still remember to this day. Those teen voices and debates are some of the crowning highlights of my past.

As I sit now writing to myself – I’m wondering when I last voiced my true opinion; the last time where I showed my true self.

At work, I used to have a voice – albeit a very muted one. I knew I couldn’t make rude jokes or make socially unacceptable comments in front of others, but at least there was still someone of an open stage for civil debate and discussion. But what happens when that also disappears and work-from home becomes normal?

I’m not saying that going back to work or in-office is the answer. In fact, even work conversations are a relative shell of a representation of a true connection. I once went out with a work-mate and we had to mute a conversation upon recognizing that someone from HR was walking close-by. It felt like we were in some comical spy-novel where the aim was to live be a walking façade of lies for others to emulate and admire and where exposing the capital t truth was a hate-crime, but regardless – the fact still remains: the human connection or elements of connection are becoming more rare.

Is it any wonder so many people feel like frauds and that so many people today are lonely? The system today almost asks us to be frauds. If we’re not – we don’t stand a chance. How many people do you truly know that know the real you? And no – I don’t mean a list of your life achievements nor what you do. You only get to know a human being by getting to know their rough edges. The thorns which they project and the difficulties and embarrassing moments which shaped their lives are the things which so many of us are missing. Or, I guess I don’t mean ‘missing’ in a literal sense, but missing in a conversational sense.

How many rough edges have you shared with the world? If not – who can you really say knows the ‘real’ you?

Not connecting and sharing physically today is of course the new normal. This is where the internet comes blazing into the picture. Why share physically when you can read what others think anonymously and virtually online – where you can voice your true opinion in the company of hundreds and thousands of masked strangers. Here, you get to know the true thoughts from someone in a world where polarization is the norm and shouting from every angle takes place followed by clown pictures and troll posts and people selling Bitcoin. Is this really what human connection has become?

It might not be so bad though. Fernando Pessoa once quipped:

“Masquerades disclose the reality of souls. As long as no one sees who we are, we can tell the most intimate details of our life. I sometimes muse over this sketch of a story about a man afflicted by one of those personal tragedies born of extreme shyness who one day, while wearing a mask I don’t know where, told another mask all the most personal, most secret, most unthinkable things that could be told about his tragic and serene life. And since no outward detail would give him away, he having disguised even his voice, and since he didn’t take careful note of whoever had listened to him, he could enjoy the ample sensation of knowing that somewhere in the world there was someone who knew him as not even his closest and finest friend did. When he walked down the street he would ask himself if this person, or that one, or that person over there might not be the one to whom he’d once, wearing a mask, told his most private life. Thus would be born in him a new interest in each person, since each person might be his only, unknown confidant.”

But in what sense does the world know you when the real you has not seen the real world? The real world has become a virtual space filled with negativity and noise and trolls and masks. Just what is the ‘real’ world anyways when you have so many layers of fake happiness being projected on Facebook and Instagram and most social feeds? Where is that human connection and that vital conversation that used to carry us and is now missing? Where you could have a drink and laugh and carry on a real dialogue and heart-felt discussion without having to be afraid of exposing who you truly are?

An LLM Enters the Picture

Finally, let’s ask ChatGPT to help us out:

Prompt: Can you write the above story and expand on it a bit more – more specifically showing the deep power of deep connections which our ancestors made in the past vs the social isolation we experience today? Can you also write it in the voice of 'Fernando Pessoa' combined with the voice of 'Ernest Hemingway'?

Edited Reply (some parts were removed for the sake of compactness):

Once upon a time, in the distant epochs of our ancestral past, when Homo habilis walked the Earth, profound connections bloomed like ancient trees, their roots intertwining to form a tapestry of belonging. These early humans, with their primal instincts guiding their every move, understood the power of unity. Their souls thrived on the warmth of intimate bonds, for they knew that together they could withstand the harshest storms of existence.

In those primordial days, their lives were interwoven, entangled in a symphony of gestures, whispers, and knowing glances. They shared tales around the flickering fire, each word resonating with the essence of their collective wisdom. Embraced by the embrace of kinship, their hearts were never alone, for their social connections wove a fabric of solace that shielded them from the abyss of solitude.

As time unraveled its secrets, the baton of evolution passed to Homo erectus, marking the dawn of a new chapter. They ventured further, and their communities swelled with the spirit of exploration. Faces unfamiliar, voices unheard, yet still they sought solace in the company of their brethren. In the dim light of the setting sun, they gathered, their laughter dancing on the wind, painting the canvas of their lives with vibrant strokes of camaraderie.

Oh, how the world has changed! A tempest of progress has swept across the centuries, reshaping the landscape of human connection. The cacophony of industrial revolution and the digital age now echo through our souls. The very fabric of our social tapestry has transformed, and we find ourselves caught in a paradoxical web of connectivity and isolation.

In this modern realm, where algorithms dictate our interactions and screens mediate our emotions, we yearn for the tangible embrace of a heartfelt conversation. Our minds wander, adrift in a sea of virtual acquaintances and fleeting connections. The depth that once nourished our spirits has been overshadowed by the allure of superficiality, leaving us parched and longing for authenticity.

So, let us honor the legacy of our ancestors and weave a new tale of human connection. With each word, each gesture, and each shared experience, we will strive to rekindle the flame of profound camaraderie. Together, we shall breathe life into the forgotten art of deep connections, transforming the barren landscape of isolation into an oasis of genuine belonging.

For in the depth of our connections lies the essence of what it means to be human, to dance harmoniously with the souls around us. Let us reclaim our place in the grand tapestry of existence and rediscover the power of deep social connections that once sustained us and can sustain us still.

Wow. OK.

I wasn’t expecting that answer.

This changes things Mr. Zuckerberg. When are you planning to release these nurturing assistants and agents?

Can you please add in voices and personalities and make them dance and sing and share and their shared dialogue quiver like Ernest Hemingway’s pen? Also add a soul and emotion and fire and rage and all those thorns that are missing and count me in and sign me up.